The Full Story

For the first time in days, I’m sitting at my computer—both willing and wanting to be here. Anxiety has gripped me, but today feels different. 

The week before last, I spent four days in the hospital after a year of relentless stress and health neglect finally caught up to me in the form of about 20 syncope episodes over the course of several days. I’ve always pushed through, relying on the support of incredible clients and my faith. But this year has been uniquely tough—between a surge in my business, personal struggles, and mounting responsibilities, my body had enough. I was drained in every sense of the word. The hospital stay—oddly enough—felt like the only time I could truly breathe this year. I had no cell service and it was the best sleep I’d gotten all year. Yes, that’s right…in a hospital.

Basically, my cortisol levels bottomed out completely due to prolonged stress, complicated by low blood pressure. That led to at least 25 syncope episodes in a short span of time. I’d had episodes, singularly, for the last 26 years. Tests didn’t find an answer but we got closer to one. More tests to come.

Coming home brought unexpected waves of anxiety. Tasks I’d handled for years now seemed insurmountable. I couldn’t face emails, calls, or the weight of unfinished work. Spending that time in the hospital with no health insurance, the first bill arrived and it was a shocker. I’m certain more are to come. My body, already in constant pain from 18 years of joint pain and fibromyalgia (electing to take no medication to manage either), felt the strain even more. But through it all, my son has been my rock—helping me when I couldn’t help myself.

Today, I’m choosing to surrender. Surrender to healing, to faith, and to hope. This is just the beginning of my story back to balance. And to my son—thank you for being my light through it all. “I love you the whole world, son”.

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